Let’s Wall off California!

It is becoming increasingly apparent that President Trump’s wall on the Mexican border will never be built. There is too much sentiment in the country to spend the money on stupidities such as repairing our bridges before yet another one of them falls down and giving the money that could be used to build the wall to the very rich.

On this special day of the year, April 1, I have a better proposal. We should immediately start construction on a 50-foot-high wall on the California borders with Arizona, Nevada and Oregon. A California wall makes much more sense than a Mexican wall.

Why wall off California? Because California is full of intelligent, well-educated people who are opposed to Donald Trump’s sensible programs. Californians threaten to immigrate into neighboring states and pollute our unschooled culture. Arizona and Nevada are chock full of nescient and cognatively-impared retirees. We do not want people with brains and education moving into our communities and corrupting our way of thinking! They threaten our way of life. We demand the right to communicate and live with people who are as uncultured as we are!

Some may rebel at the cost of the wall, but we can make California pay for it. The manner of coercing them into doing so is simple, although I don’t want to reveal it here. If people demand that we make public our plan for making California to pay for the wall, the next thing you know they will be demanding that Donald Trump release his tax returns and reveal his ties to Vladamir Putin. We certainly do not want that! They might also demand that we actually teach kids in our public schools. That would be a disaster! We in Arizona are very proud of our position near the very bottom of educational attainment not only in the United States but in the entire industrialized world.

So, I propose a series of public demonstrations to get this wall built on the California border. I have even invented a beautiful chant to get the job done: “Whadda we want? A California wall! Whose gonna pay for it? California!”

If anyone is interested, I have a lot of other ideas that are equally well thought out. I have to admit that I plagiarized some of them from Donald Trump’s campaign, but in today’s political environment, a little bit of plagiarism and a lot of dishonesty is what is required to get ahead.